Well, it’s been a year, and we are back with the most pressing and important information about the team. The higher-ups at The Win Column are still letting me write these posts, and you bet I am going to take full advantage of this opportunity every time. This is what truly matters. Not the wins. Not the losses. I only care about what changes have been made to the Calgary Flames puppy roster.
The Flames are rebuilding and are likely going to be bad, so games might be a bit more ruff to watch. However, luckily for us, the puppies should still be at their peak performance, and they will be fetching most of my attention. Let’s dive into this, and em-bark on this journey together.
Wyndham Coleman (“Wyn”)
Wyndham is back and better than ever. Going into his fourth season with the Calgary Flames, this floof monster has truly made himself at home, and I hope he never leaves. He has a face you just can’t say no to (which you shouldn’t be doing anyway), and if his nose is this boopable through the screen, just imagine how boopable it is in person. They say consistency is key, and when it comes to Wyn, his consistency is being adorable every single day.
Just like last year, you can put him in the Wyn Column.
Rating: 1000000000000/10.
Phoebe Backlund
A new addition to the roster! Phoebe is looking to make a statement during her rookie season, and with that incredible puppy head tilt, she clearly already knows what she is doing. Also, that ear-to-head ratio might be the best I have ever seen. Those ears are massive, and it only makes Phoebe even cuter. Don’t you want to just play peek-a-boo with her by using her ears to cover her eyes? Of course, you do.
Phoebe I will pay you to let me dog-sit you.
Rating: 99999999999/10.
Pup Sharangovich
One year later and I still don’t know what this incredible fluff’s name is. Yegor, please reach out to us and let us know. Just like last year, I will be referring to this ray of sunshine as “Pup Sharangovich” until I am told otherwise. Going into his/her second season, Pup Sharangovich and his/her fluffy tail are looking to lead the team in fluff per 60. I mean seriously, with how fluffy that tail is, it could probably act as its own wind turbine and generate electricity for the whole Saddledome.
Rating: 4821094829/10. However, I am willing to go up to 4821094830/10 if we can find out his/her name.
Simba Duehr
Before I start, every single person reading this post needs to congratulate Simba for not being scared of water anymore RIGHT NOW. This is not optional.
Okay now that I got that out of the way, back with the Flames for his second year, Simba has not missed a beat and is proving that he is the real King of Pride Rock, unlike that nobody from Disney. The golden hour hits Simba incredibly in this photo, truly showcasing his royalty. He is just as photogenic as he was last year, and I would love for him to teach me how to pose in front of a camera.
Please help me step up my Instagram game Simba.
Rating: A very large number/10.
Millie Mantha
Another new addition to the puppy roster is Millie Mantha! Millie, I know I have never met you and you don’t even know I exist, but I am obsessed with you. I mean look at her eyes in the second photo. That is the DEFINITION of a puppy dog face. Also that fit? Impeccable. Millie has better style than every single one of you reading this post. Welcome to the team Millie.
Rating: One Millie-on/10.
Gunnar Lomberg
With Ryan Lomberg’s return to the Flames comes Gunnar Lomberg. I had a stuffy of a German Sheppard when I was a kid so Gunnar already holds a special place in my heart. First things first, we need to acknowledge how straight and tall his ears are. He could probably hear you blink with those upright ears. Secondly, Gunnar has such a distinguished quality about him. I mean look at that pose. He looks so professional, it’s almost intimidating. This would do numbers on Puppy LinkedIn and nobody can tell me otherwise.
Rating: Pick a super large number and multiply it by a billion/10.
Honourable Mention: Tito Weyers – Cooley
Is Tito a dog? No. Do I care about that? No. Does Tito still deserve the world? Yes. One question I have is do bunnies also get zoomies? Do they just hop around and hop on and off of different objects? Are the zoomies called hoppies? If so, I need footage of this as soon as possible. Anyways, welcome to the roster Tito. As a welcome gift, I will talk to the higher-ups at The Win Column and see if we can get 1,000,000 carrots sent to you. Please keep in touch, we are only a hop away if you have any questions or concerns.
Rating: One gazillion/10
They’ve got that dawg in them
After some super careful, impartial, and number-crunching analysis, it looks like the Calgary Flames puppies are the favourites to be the champions of the Stanley Pup. This roster has no weaknesses. Every single one is elite in their own right, and they even have some versatility this year with the addition of the bunny, Tito. No other NHL team matters to me anymore, this is the best roster in the league. Congratulations to the Calgary Flames for once again, winning this year’s Stanley Pup.
